kill | (no subject)

Had an MRI this morning and then met with my neurosurgeon.

The good news: I don't have further disc herniation.

The bad news: That disc (L4-5) is pretty much fucked up due to the surgeries and ongoing degeneration disease, and I won't get any long-lasting relief from it until I take off a significant amount of weight.

The short-term plan includes a cortisone epidural injection (which I'll have Tuesday); I will also apply for a temporary disability placard to keep on hand for bad pain days. The long-term plan includes some physical therapy (if I can afford it) and more exercise, probably utilizing the pool at school. I am nervous about that, mainly because it's a bunch of college kids and then there will be me with my big white body and my big black swimsuit. But I just have to get over it, because I can't live like this anymore.

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Can you get your doctors to start advocating for weight loss surgery for you? At this point it seems like a medical necessity. Not that more exercising and eating better is a bad idea, or something you can't do - it's just that it's even hard for me to lose weight with my knee being the way it is now. I'd like to get on the treadmill, but if I'm having significant knee pain it generally doesn't happen. I imagine it's frustrating with the kind of pain you're in to do it the slow way.

It's hard seeing you struggle with this, especially when it's clear that you're doing what you can to live your life. You really deserve some help and relief.

Well, I've exhausted every effort at getting insurance to pay for it. I have some other things in the works thanks to some very generous people who I am very close to, but it could still be a while off.